Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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