I want to stick my p in your. b.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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