I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
