don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
All the doctor said was why
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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