I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
