you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
