so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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