Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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