I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
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walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
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How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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