Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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