i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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