All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
