I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
