That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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