I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize