if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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