This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
