I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
