I want to have your abortion
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
