Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
