i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
