i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
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Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
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I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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