This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
