He had one of those small greek statue penises
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
