I smell stomach acid.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
