did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
