we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
