Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You pole danced in your parka.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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