if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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