just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
