You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
