I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
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I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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