Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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