I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
