There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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