i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
