She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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