6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
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I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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