its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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