i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
