He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
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I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
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Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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