I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
