if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
