I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
