i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You left your underwear on the fireplace
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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