we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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