I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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