So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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