: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
