I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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