my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
