you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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