i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
