I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
