Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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