I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
