JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
