i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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